6 ways gay suffering manifests — and what you can do about it to live your best gay life

Spenser Warren
11 min readJul 15, 2023
Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash

A while back, I wrote about embracing your “Gay Yay.”

This was my silly little way of reflecting upon why I’m happy to be gay, and served as a gratitude exercise to wrap up Pride Month. But despite the vibrant colors that adorn our Pride flags‌, being gay can be very hard‌. I love joining with our community to celebrate our triumphs, but our pitfalls and daily suffering can teach us just as much as our success.

Being out of the closet for only two years, I’ve still yet to experience some joys of gay life.

I’ve never been in love, never been part of the “popular” gay group, never danced the night away at circuit parties, or marched proudly to preserve our rights.

My lack of some of these things, particularly around my lack of love, has caused me immense suffering. I’m sure many gays experience this suffering, as love and belonging are natural needs. But at an even deeper level, we are more likely to not have had those needs met during childhood because of the minority stress we experienced.

I’ve searched for validation and emotional intimacy in guys I’ve dated, only to have these men continuously reject me.

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Spenser Warren

Career Empowerment Coach | Helping corporate leaders escape burnout to create career success on their own terms | 10 year HR Pro | Career Changer | Author