Why being on the DL hurts your job search
When I tried to reinvent my life on the DL (“down low”), absolutely nothing changed.
No matter whether it was dating, changing careers, or trying to love myself, my silence was torturous. Deciding to keep things on the “DL” meant that I was stuck in the closet, trapped in an unfulfilling career, and not living in alignment with who I wanted to be.
In the gay community, DL is a term typically used for someone who is 1) in the closet or 2) wanting to date or hook up with men while remaining secretive.
When I first realized my attraction to men, I fit squarely in this DL camp.
I wouldn’t show pictures of my face on the apps. Or if I sent pictures, I’d be nervous that I’d eventually be outed. I was afraid my relationships and reputation would be ruined when others saw I was gay. Coincidentally, I struggled in my dating life for years, never free to be who I truly was.
The same was true for my career.
I longed to be a working writer after rediscovering my childhood love of writing at 24.
But I had no idea how to make those dreams a reality. I secretly read books and took courses on writing professions like copywriting, all while working my HR day job like I had no other interests in the world. Hell, my coworkers only knew I was a novelist on the side when I finally posted something on social media about launching my first book.
Of course, it’s no surprise to say that my dreams of finding a relationship and creating the career I wanted went nowhere when shrouded under secrecy.
It was only when I finally came out to my supportive friends that I felt confident to really put myself out there on the apps, photos and all. Many great dating experiences followed and I’ve learned a lot about myself while meeting some amazing guys.
I only saw the career traction I wanted, beginning a new career in UX Writing, when I wrote about my career dreams and shared them on Medium, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I finally feel like a real coach since announcing the launch of my coaching business, unlike when I just shared career change tips before.
The real lesson here is that being DL is a major roadblock to your career change.
Not sharing your dreams with others (no matter the scale) holds you back from creating the change you want. It’s only when you put those dreams out there, take action toward them, and believe change is possible that you’ll build the career (or anything else) you want.
Comment “DL” or schedule a call to see how you can enlist the help you need in reinventing your career. So you can finally make those big changes happen.
